What I did when my child saw p*rn
- Vanessa Morris, Founder & Creator
- May 27
- 3 min read
I want to share a personal story about why this is so vital in preventing the enemy from gaining a foothold and planting lies in your children. I'll share what I did when my child was exposed to explicit content... but more importantly, what I did long before that happened.
My son had to study for a test on the locations of the states on a map, so he used his school-issued iPad to search for “map of the United States.”
He was absolutely not looking for porn, but porn was looking for him.
An explicit banner with blatant pornography popped up on his device, and instead of hiding it, clicking on it, or feeling ashamed or like he was in trouble, he immediately brought it to us and said, “Something unsafe popped up on my screen.” We talked about how that can make you feel, how the enemy tries to entice and trick us, and how proud we were of him for coming to us about this incident.
We had a very intentional conversation about his experience and discovered something fascinating: the prevention work we had been sowing into him for years actually worked! He wasn’t scared, he wasn’t ashamed; he was confident in knowing what steps to take. He was quite matter-of-fact in identifying the tactic, sharing it with his trusted adults, processing it, and moving on. It simply couldn't take root and derail him due to the intentionality in using tools that ultimately set him up for success. He had the language to communicate what happened, and it was completely normal for him to react this way.
Why? Because before it became an issue, it was a conversation—a normalized, ongoing, shame-free conversation. We had the tools to empower him against the enemy's tactics, which paid off. I encourage you to start early and stay consistent; it will absolutely benefit your family in the future when, not if, your kids encounter something like this.
Why is it so important that we, as parents, intentionally normalize the conversation and take back control of the narrative around sex, consent, and safety? The truth is black and white, it's in the numbers:
53% of boys and 39% of girls believe that pornography is a realistic depiction of sex.
Over 41% of children will be exposed to p*rn at school.
Nearly 75% of teens have seen it, most by the age of (or younger than) 12.
I have worked in child protection and prevention for 15 years, and I can confidently say that I believe the actual numbers to be even more staggering.
The entire "adult entertainment industry" is built on the back of sex trafficking, abuse, and exploitation. Guess who it wants to be its biggest clients and contributors? Your kids. I don't say that to scare you. I say it to implore you to arm them up for battle so that no fiery arrow can impale their innocent spirit and no lie can take root.
When we disarm the issue and weave in conversations about how sex and intimacy are actually God's idea, how you are the boss of your body and can be selective about who has access to you (this extends beyond just physicality), and why certain behaviors can harm you and set you up for long-term failure (like how the brain reacts to p*rn like a drug, is linked to severe mental health issues and relational unhealth/dissatisfaction), it creates a richer, more productive core value and understanding for our children. We're not talking at them, but with them, including them in powerful solutions to guard their heart, mind, body, and spirit.
We must stand in the gap and dismantle the massive machine that is grooming our children to become both exploited and exploiters.
I focus much more on explaining "why" than on the "what." And guess what? Our kids appreciate that. They notice it. When we destigmatize this and any other issue that carries even the slightest taboo, we reclaim the power. Instead of making it weird, we make it normal. We make it comfortable. It becomes our job and our child's right to possess the truth that God wants so much more for them than a facade on a screen.
I understand it can seem daunting if you've never looked at it from this perspective. Perhaps (probably) no one has approached this topic with you in a healthy way. You're not alone, and there are many excellent resources I've listed below to help you get started and stay on track! You've got this! It's too important - they are too important - to ignore.
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