The Viral "Hot Mess" Motherhood Vibes Are Not Helping Anyone

It's been trending for quite a while now. Mamas with a messy bun and disheveled pj's, cold coffee, and worn-down, overwhelmed expressions. What's the big deal? We all have tough days, right? For sure. But this narrative that's become oh-so-hashtag-worthy conveys that living in a constant state of chaos is the norm. I have to say, I don't think it is. Actually, I know it isn't.

No judgement here - seriously. We all know that feeling of how-am-I-going-to-do-this?! It's real, and it's a challenge, but not one that you cannot rise to, and even experience joy and peace in the process!

Are there days when the kids feel a little bonkers, and it's all you can do to make it to bedtime, only to discover that the bedsheets you took off to wash because your toddler wet the bed last night never made it into the wash, let alone back onto their bed? YES.

Are there moments when it feels like you have no idea how to help them stop crying, and no matter what you do, it seems to only get worse? (I'm talking to you, kiddo who had a meltdown because your cereal got "wet" from the milk you specifically requested be poured into your bowl.) YES.

Are there times when you're exhausted because, no matter how much routine you try to build into your lives, the baby simply refuses to sleep through the night? A RESOUNDING YES!

But this idea that every moment of motherhood must be filled with constant stress, fatigue, and chaos? It's not reality, and it's actually harming the confidence of mothers.

You were created to be the mother of those babies - even if they weren't exactly, ahem, part of your plan. They were part of God's plan. And there is a reason you are their mama and they are your children. You are equipped for this. Not perfect. Not flawless. Not the knower of all parenthood hacks. But you can do this and thrive, too. God instilled in you a special mother's intuition. You have not only birthed children, whether from your body or your heart, but you have been birthed into the next level of who you are.

When we buy into the idea that motherhood causes us to lose ourselves to the point that we will never have a pleasant experience on our own again...

When we come into an agreement with the lie that we can't experience both peace and motherhood simultaneously...

When we live in such a way that every moment feels as though it is on the verge of overwhelm...

Something is out of order.

I want so much more for you; God wants so much more for you.

This narrative has undermined your ability (and that of scrolling women everywhere) to connect uniquely with your children's hearts as a mother for far too long. It has made self-care seem selfish, so you don't even bother. It has prevented you from inviting Jesus into the many unknowns. And it has fostered a worldview that suggests women cannot be both mothers and joy-filled, content, thriving individuals simultaneously.

I spoke to a mother not long ago and said, "You sound stressed." She replied, "Aren't we all?" She said it so nonchalantly that it broke my heart. Internally, I thought, "I used to be, but no, not anymore." I wanted to share with her, but honestly, I wasn't sure how. So, I've put together some things that have genuinely helped me, and I hope they help you go from feeling like a "hot mess" in motherhood to whole, peaceful, and genuinely enjoying your journey.

1. Presence Over Perfection: I used to feel like I had to have every single thing checked off my to-do list before I could "earn" intentional time with my children. What a lie! That to-do list will never end, hun... choose presence first. Not everything is urgent, so prioritize; don't panic or procrastinate, just commit to balance. It sets an example for our kids, too, which is hard to find in this world of rushing and bringing the office home with you.

   
   

   You will not regret putting first things first, last things last, and in between things in between. When you begin to feel overwhelmed, ask yourself what the root is. Where can things be rearranged so you feel more balanced and present? Don't accept this as the norm, be intentional about examining what changes can and should be made, even if they seem small.

   
   

2. Make Time For Mama: Self-care isn't selfish. It doesn't have to be expensive or time-consuming, but it does need to be intentional and something that helps you feel a little more like, well, you. A homemade body scrub, that mascara that makes your lashes look like falsies, wearing a flowy dress even though y'all aren't leaving the house all day, or going on a walk to move your body are all ways to help you feel cared for and comforted, even when the day presents its own challenges.

   
   

3. Remember who you are: You are a mother. This is not an insignificant mission. This is an opportunity to literally steward the soul of someone God felt was needed on this earth at this very moment in time. You're kind of a big deal. Own it. It's not being prideful, just the opposite. It's remembering in humility that, without God's help, you absolutely cannot accomplish this lifelong assignment. But with Him? You're raising and guiding world-changers.

You need the right people in your village to maintain a healthy perspective and to honor the season you're in. You'll only be here once. You don't want to look back at this time and think, "I was so stressed," do you? No. You want to think, "It wasn't easy, but it was beautiful."

You got this. You're not a hot mess, mama; you're chosen. You've got all of the tools you need within you because HE is within you. You're not a failure or a fraud, less-than or not enough. You're a direct reflection of the part of God's heart that nurtures, restores, and refreshes. You're a mother. Don't let the social scroll glorifying hot mess motherhood determine your motherhood journey. You're much, much more than that.