5 Truths No One Told Me About Motherhood

Before I got pregnant, I had an idea of what life would be like as a mother—how my child would behave, what they'd enjoy, and what I'd enjoy. And then nothing went to plan.

Let's start with my birth plan. Soft music? Of course. A gentle birthing experience? Duh. Nursing my newborn because it's easy, right? Absolutely.

I'm sorry 😂😂😂 ... let me pause while I regain my composure.

Truth #1: Your birth plan is more like an ultra-loose suggestion.

Long story short, nothing went to plan. When I tell you I had the glowiest, most golden pregnancy, I am not exaggerating. I felt great and loved how I looked pregnant, with a perfectly healthy baby boy growing (and flipping constantly) inside me. That was all well and good for the first 40 weeks. Then, little man did not budge. Not a centimeter. Turns out my body loved being pregnant so much it was determined to stay that way. When I experienced a crash c-section at 41 weeks due to the cord being wrapped around my son's neck and his oxygen dropping, I felt like I got sucked up into a tornado of the unknown. Following that, our boy was kept in the NICU for what felt like an eternity. I felt like he was being held hostage, and I was negotiating to bring him home. It was wild! My c-section recovery was no joke. I remember hunching over, barely able to walk, and saying to myself, "Remember this feeling, Vanessa... never again."

Truth #2: Your mother's heart triggers selective amnesia.

We did, in fact, decide to try again, and we were two for two when it came to little boys. Boy-mommin' is just about the funniest thing ever. I am convinced it should be an Olympic sport. While my pregnancy was healthy and pretty wonderful overall (with the exception of major restless leg syndrome, what is the deal with that?!) I once again had a c-section. This one was planned, went routinely, and the recovery wasn't quite as horrific as it was with my first. But I am confident that God carries out His directive to be fruitful and multiply with a love-induced hormonal cocktail in our brain that causes us to forget all the pain and discomfort the moment we lay eyes on them (even when they look like they're covered in Elmer's glue).

Truth #3: Every kid is vastly different. But so are you.

One of the greatest gifts in motherhood is discovering who each of your children is. Their heart. Their desires. Their sense of humor. Their unique and wonderful weirdness. Our firstborn is super affectionate, would live outside if we let him, and has a deep sense of empathy and discernment. Our second-born is a deep thinker, much more autonomous, hysterical when he's with his people, and the world's second-biggest homebody (next to me, of course). When our daughter was born, I remember my husband sharing how different it is with a little girl. He felt more tender, protective, and emotional. He asked if I felt the same. I shared that I didn't think it was having a daughter that was different, but rather that I was different. Each child has a unique version of who I am according to the chapter of my life in which they were born. And god knew which child's soul needed mine in the timeline. Likewise, each child has taught me things I needed that I could only receive from each of them. I will always be grateful for that.

Truth #4: No one will do it like you, and that is more than okay.

I swear, there are more opinions on parenting than any other topic on earth. It's exhausting if you let other people's compass and experiences become your guidepost. Sure, listen when you feel led, and filter through the valuable and the 'are-you-insane-I-definitely-won't-be-doing-that" ideology. Still, after three kids spread across 11 years, I can confidently say that I had to find my rhythm in motherhood. My oldest two thrived with structure and a scheduled nap time. Baby girl is more of a go-with-the-flow type. The celebration and discipline styles that worked with one might not work with the other. I like to think of myself as a mix of gentle-slow-parenting-meets-no-nonsense-Madea-esque type of mama (it's called balance, people!😅). Above all, these kiddos get told and shown how deeply loved they are about 175 times a day, and that's what counts.

Truth #5: It's the most beautiful chaos you'll ever experience.

Motherhood, whether children are born from your heart or your womb, is messy. It's shocking. It's stunningly beautiful and sweet and overwhelmingly the most significant thing I will ever do with my life. It is my ministry to cultivate this little tribe of mine and steward these souls God has entrusted us with. There indeed are no words to describe it, but several phrases I was guided with early on have stuck with me, so I'll share them with you:

• The days are long, but the years are short.

• Everything is a season. This is both the gift and the tragedy of motherhood.

• God made children durable enough to withstand the clumsiest of parents.

• The most valuable work you do for the Kingdom may not be something you do but someone you raise.

There are many more truths to be told, and I am discovering new ones daily. Every chapter reveals something different, and I can't wait to see what my mother's heart will learn next.